i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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