I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
