What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
