sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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