Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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