I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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