I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
