i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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