Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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