so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
