do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
