Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
