its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
