she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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