Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
