How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
