Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
