Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
