Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
