I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
