dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
