her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
