literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
