I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We were destined to go to rehab together
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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