omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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