he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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