Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
