It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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