my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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