It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
