so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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