Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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