watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
