He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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