So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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