So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
