I got chris browned last night
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
