I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You ruined the universe
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
