Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
