Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
