i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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