You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
