i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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