He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
