why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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