Non-Jews are for practice
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
