so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
