She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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