mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
