she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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