shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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