I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
