I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
