my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
did i just pee glitter
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
