Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
