So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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