Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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