and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
