So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
